Detachment
Detachment is a key element of recovery.
- Includes separating one's own values, feelings, and aspirations from those of the addictive person.
- Involves taking total responsibility for one's own actions and belief.
- Requires allowing the addictive person to take responsibility for the consequences of their own behavior.
- Requires the cessation of enabling behaviors by friends, family, and others.
- Means giving-up attempts to control the addictive persons behavior.
- Requires accepting that one is not responsible for the addictive persons illness or behavior.
- Means that one has a responsibility to end the atmosphere that condones and perpetuates the addictive behavior.
- Is not cold, hostile withdrawal.
- Is neither kind nor unkind.
- Is the respectful thing to do for yourself and the addictive person.
- Tells the addictive person they are capable of making choices and that you accept them as they are.
- Allows you to enjoy life and teaches you to love again.
- Is based on the premise that each person is responsible for themselves, that we cannot solve others problems, and that worrying is not helpful.
- Allows us to adopt a policy of keeping our hands off other peoples responsibilities and focuses on tending to our own responsibilities.
- Allows others to be who they are.
- Gives self and others the freedom to grow and live life to the best of one's abilities.
When should we detach? When we can't stop thinking, talking, or worrying about someone or something. When our emotions are churning and boiling. When we feel like we have to do something about someone or something because we can't stand it another minute. When we're hanging on by a thread and it feels like the thread is fraying. When we believe we can no longer live with the problem we've been trying to live with, it is time to detach A good rule of thumb is: you need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.